Let Go

Lol sorry these are so long. What can I say lol I talk alot ;).

Anyways I just have a couple things to touch on today. Lol I will TRY not to make it a novel but you never know with me.

Lastnight I said goodbye to Robert. When he died I wasent there I wasent able to tell him goodbye and the millions of other things I wanted to tell him. I realized though my pain from that whole situation was running my life in a sense. And though I loved him very much I need that closure. I need to let that wound heal. If I don't it will just consume me further and I do want to move on. As cold as it sounds its true. And so lastnight I wrote him a three page letter and looked through my notebook and pulled out the song I wrote him after he passed away. I also had a single red rose. At about 8:30pm I headed to the cemetary to say goodbye. I sat and talked to his headstone for almost an hour. I then told him goodbye and walked away. I will NEVER forget him. He had such a huge impact on my life he changed me for the better. But I need to let go of the pain. And I think he would want me to.

Speaking of people who have passed away and closure............

My Grandma passed away this past Halloween from multiple strokes and brain damage. The summer before I spent a week in PA with her after her first couple strokes. But I could not visit her when she was falling apart in the hospital. My dad just told me lastnight that his siblings, aunt, and himself are going to where they buried my grandpa's ashes and they are going to take Grandma's and bury her with him. He told me he had forgotten to mention it and if I wanted to come I could. But to be honest I don't do so well with my emotions around the rest of my family. When I went to my grandma's memorial I forced myself not to cry I DID NOT want to be comforted at all. I know it sounds cold but I just don't feel comfortable when anyone but my parents see me cry or comfort me. Its not because I love the others any less I just am a guarded private person. Lol except for when it comes to blogs oh well! But I explained that I thought that was something just for them and he understood. He also told me at some point he and I will go and visit the bench they are buried at just the two of us. It is hard because out of all my grandparents (I have three sets due to my dads parents divorce) I was closest to those two. And I miss them everyday.


Well there I made a slightly shorter entry Lmao!