Strange and Beautiful

Its funny how a person can change you.

How much things can change when the dynamic of a relationship changes. Its funny how your mood and personality changes. And if your lucky like me it changes in a good way.

Ever since I have given Jesse the green light so to speak things in my life seem to have shifted. I have been genuinely happy for the last week and few days give or take. Which is really rare for me I am always on the lower end of the happy spectrum. But he has changed that for me and im not sure how so much. But im happy that it has happened maybe because this huge weight has been lifted and its wonderful.

I still refuse to call him my boy friend just yet. I just don't want to put some random superficial title to what we are. Titles tend to make things more complicated. And im loving this in all its noncomplicated glory. It may not be the usual route "couples" take but both of us are far from average which is wonderful.

Of course along with those who are happy for us. There are the skeptical and thats fine. Cause really who's to say we won't last. No one knows for sure. Right now im enjoying this for what it is comfort possibly love I don't know. But also this wonderful safety. My mom swears up and down this is a bad idea. But she is going on the evidence of my past relationships. Abusers, cheaters, and just all around bad guys who I tend to attract. But I don't want to beleive that this is what will happen with Jesse. Am I talking forever here? Well no not reallly because forever is a long time. And people change.

But once again I am just consentrating on enjoying this for what it is. The begining of something bigger :). Of course im not throwing myself all in and I won't for a long time. Because its true I have been hurt constantly and I am guarded and I am battle scarred and I am wary of relationships. I guess what im fumbling for is to say im testing the waters and so far they are great and no one is going to bring me down. Because right now he's what I want.